Sarah Speaks It

I woke up this morning like any other day. Little did I know that today would be the end of my search. I've been searching for my sister for years.  All I had was a name and its a fairly common name so, its been a rough search. This morning, I checked my facebook and had a request from a Crystal. My heart literally skipped a beat and I haven't been able to focus all day. I can't believe that my sister found me.  This has opened up an entire new world for me. I have other sisters, but this is different. She comes from my father.  We share some of the struggles and joys because of that.  We've spent the entire day texting and learning about each other. My mind keeps wandering and wondering if we will be able to maintain contact in the future.  What if we hate each other? There's just so much I want to know.  I have a sister and I know nothing about her! This is somehow very boggling for me.  I guess I never thought this...

Its almost 2013, and I ask myself, what is the American Dream?  It's no longer what our grandparents had envisioned for us.  It no longer consists of a white picket fence and a family with a dog. So, then what is it? From what I can tell, the dream has been lost.  Young women don't know how to be a lady.  Young men no longer know what it is to be a gentlemen. Moral values are lacking.  Family values are nearly non existent. Women are now the bread winners and dads are staying at home.  Although we as a people have progressed, we have lost so much of what makes us a great country. We all just want more. Very few people think about the future, and live for the present.  So what is your American dream?

There are some people that we love unconditionally.  No matter what they do, how many times they hurt you, how many mistakes they make, how much pain you have been caused, how much it affects your life, you will always love them.  This is true of parents, siblings, relatives, and should also be true of your spouse. We are taught to love our family members no matter what faces you, no matter what happens. It honestly irks my soul that I can still have so much love for someone simply because I'm suppose to. So many people have hurt me, have affected not only my attitude, but my way of life, my soul. And, yet I still love those people with every breathe I take. I guess some things are not meant to be understood. But lets talk about those we choose to love unconditionally, our spouses. When we decided to commit our lives to a person, we commit to love them through all things. Sickness and health, better and worse, rich and poor, lies and deceit, forgiveness and pain. We make that ...

Sometimes I feel like love isn't enough. I look into your soul I see pain and suffering Anger and evil But through it all I see your heart I see the good, I see the bad I always have. My question is why can't you open up to me? You call it gay I call it emotionally free One day you have to let it out One day you're gonna let me see What it is that aches you And keeps you from me Love isn't enough Transparency is what we need Communication is key We must talk we must be free To understand the others walk No secrets and no fear Isn't that the point of being here? Vows say for better or worse I'm here to stick it out But let's be clear Love simply isn't enough You must respect me Treat me right and let our daughters see What it is to be happily married. Love simply isn't enough for me.

My eyes fill with tears as my struggle overwhelms me.I look in the mirror, but my soul is empty.I must find a way, I must find the strength.I know the solution lies within me.Beneath the skin below my soul.In a dark place that only I know.It's where my pain fuels my success.It's where my determination rests.I've got to dig deep to reach this place .So I'm going to start doing so to bring .A smile back to my face.Sacrifices must be made.

O Angel of mine As your beauty prevails You shall remain As your love continually hails O Beauteous woman you shared so much You healed so many With your loving touch O loving Grandmother Caregiver of all You are always there Whenever we shall call A creative woman You always were You showed us soWhile here on Earth A mother you were A grandmother you are Still in our hearts You remain a star An angel you were In physical life An angel you remain In spiritual light An angel you were Here on Earth An Angel you are Guiding us first. In loving Memory of Carole J. Dickerson.

Life as I know it So sweet, yet crazy Is this normal? For me, yes, maybe My mother, she works But at night she changes She drowns her life away No matter how seemingly dangerous My little sister so beautiful and strong Her emotions leak through in song My baby girl So sweet and innocent Doesn't understand Her mother so indecent And I, Sad but strong Here for everyone Yet secretly I continue falling on my own i sit and wonder when can I be weak? When will you hold me And let me fall meek? I guess for now Strong, I must hold For the need me more Than you could ever be told This is my life I live it each day All these events Paving my way. written 3/3/2005