Sarah Speaks It

Hey! So it's been a while since I last wrote, but today was great day!  Since I last posted, my life has definitely changed.  I found out that my husband and I are expecting our second child :) I have managed to make some progress at work and my daughter amazes me each day.  I am blessed :)

This is my first blog of 2011. I started this year out not by making resolutions, but by revisiting who I am.  I am a woman, a mother, a soldier, a lover, and a fighter.  I have been through many things, but we can all say that.  So I started looking deeper to attempt to see what others see in me.  I discovered that I most definitely wear my heart on my sleeve.  You will always be able to tell my mood just by looking at my face.  I am driven by emotion and hold it very close.  Once the emotional bond is gone, the relationship is done. I am a passionate person, and pour love into what I do.  My decisions are typically based on emotion rather than logic.  I know this may not be so smart, but it is me. I feel that without love there is no life.  Love for me is the thread that holds us together.  It's what gets us through tough times and it is strong. Love stands alone and the bond it forms can only be broken by those that hold it, not ...

For many years I searched for my father.  I searched online, I sent emails, snail mail with pictures of myself to people that I thought could be my father. I even went as far as stopping complete strangers who resembled the picture I had of him. I put together a group of friends and we called every person with his last name in the white pages. One of the letters I sent was returned about two months later. Little did I know I would eventually meet my father at that same address. In 2004 I received a call from a very good friend telling me she had news about my father.  I immediately began to tremble and asked, "Is he dead?" When Nene told me she found him, I screamed!  I was so excited.  This was truly a remarkable and definitely memorable moment in life.  In just a matter of hours I would finally meet him. I suddenly felt complete. So, she picked me up and we headed out.  We went to my grandmothers house ( the address I had previously sent a letter to)...

I realized this morning that we as Americans are greedy in nature. Some of you may be thinking otherwise, but our greed is often hidden. We always strive for more, we always want more but rarely give. We are all subconciously greedy.  We tell family and friends that we do not have anything to give when they are in need.  Now, you and I both know that's not the truth.  We simply just don't want to give. Furthermore, many of us don't know how to give. I believe it's time to stop asking, stop wanting, and stop pleading for more.  We should be thankful for all that we have and even what we do not.  Not having much made me grateful for the things I did have.  It made me work harder to earn the things I wanted. It made appreciate the value, no matter how little, these things hold.  Greed does not come with only tangible items such as money and belongings. We also tend to be greedy in our relationships.  It is always about us.  The wedding is about ...

“Phenomenal Woman”…. I lived by those words They grew within my soul Theses words were all I knew Today something new came over me A weakness from within Brought me to my knees What happened to me?? I knew just who I wanted to be A mother, a wife, an inspiration to all…. I am those things, but at what cost My burning passion I seem to have lost A light that was once bright now burns dim A mother yet impatient A soldier yet scared A lover without passion A woman frayed When did I become the woman I am today? Through all the tears, Through all the pain A phenomenal woman, I tried to remain Back in the day, You could not stand in my way I was on a mission Unaccomplished still today A woman with dreams, hopes and aspirations Why cant I find my inspiration??

Over this holiday I have had the opportunity to truly reflect on some important issues.  I look at how far I have come and can say I have definitely overcome large hurdles. I have managed to successfully get out of an alcohol ridden home and have overcome multiple levels of abuse. The greatest abuse of all is self abuse.  When you begin to believe that the negativity surrounding you is all there is to life, you lose a large part of your heart, your humanity.  These challenges were nothing more that a bump in my road. I stood strong and passed through to a smoother journey.  But know I look and I see that maybe I'm not doing as great as I thought.  Financial struggles continue to surmount, and raising my child differently that I was raised has posed some new obstacles in my way.  In my attempts to remain strong I see myself shedding new layers and new tears. I have somehow grown to accept the cards I have been dealt rather than reshuffling the...