Reuniting and It Feels So......

For many years I searched for my father.  I searched online, I sent emails, snail mail with pictures of myself to people that I thought could be my father. I even went as far as stopping complete strangers who resembled the picture I had of him. I put together a group of friends and we called every person with his last name in the white pages. One of the letters I sent was returned about two months later. Little did I know I would eventually meet my father at that same address. In 2004 I received a call from a very good friend telling me she had news about my father.  I immediately began to tremble and asked, "Is he dead?" When Nene told me she found him, I screamed!  I was so excited.  This was truly a remarkable and definitely memorable moment in life.  In just a matter of hours I would finally meet him. I suddenly felt complete. So, she picked me up and we headed out.  We went to my grandmothers house ( the address I had previously sent a letter to).  There she showed me family pictures to include a baby picture of me and told me all about my family. After that, we went to pick my father up from work.  He was at the time living in a drug rehabilitation home for men. I didn't recognize him at first, my grandmother had to point him out.  But the moment I saw him I flew into his arms. My daddy was finally here. He was like my knight in shining armor.  We all headed back to grandma's to eat and get to know each other.  Nene and I sang to him, and he played his guitar.  I have never been so happy.  Unfortunately, my happiness was short lived.  My father and I had dinner for father day that same month.  He made many "dates' with me after, but never came through.  I waited in tears many times until the night sky was light only by the moon. After that we lost touch except on the holidays. All of that changed when I revealed my pregnancy to him in 2007. He wanted to be a part of our lives and I wanted him there. Some part of me believed that he could make up for missing my life by being there for my baby.  When my angel was one she began spending a lot of time there. It was a true blessing for a young mother to have such a break.  I mean the girl was there practically every weekend.  And then it all changed. My knight became my nightmare. Although he did not hurt my daughter, he did something unacceptable to me while she was in the home.  As soon as I received the call from my grandmother, I rushed to pick my baby up.  I took her over once more as my grandmother had purchased Christmas gifts for her. That was the last time I spoke to him.  It has now been over a year and while he still crosses my mind, I can not allow that negativity to affect my daughter.  I cried, ALOT, but I had to come to terms with the fact that I could not be emotionally drained by this situation.  I also could not allow my daughter to be affected by this.  I made my decision and I can say I'm very happy.  In all of my searching I always said that I just needed to see him.  Now I realize that was not true. I wanted so much more, but what I got was a life lesson.  This has made me emotionally stronger and I am grateful for that.  He will always remain in my prayers and I wish him the best of luck.