Sarah Speaks It

The word joy is defined as a state of happiness and felicity.  Today, I felt joy for the first time in a long time. Its a feeling that runs through you uncontrollably and it is undeniable. It brings a smile to your face and sends chills down your back. So how can we find this more often in our lives?  Unfortunately, I believe that it is not meant to to be felt all the time.  If we did, we could not truly appreciate it when it comes about. We often have to suffer for a while before we can feel joy.  You will go through so many downs and feel like your world is crumbling apart, and then one moment changes it all. It all seems worth it at that moment. I'm not really sure on how to find that feeling more, but I do know that I'm willing to endure the toughest challenge just to have that moment. True happiness is not just about your appearance or outer surroundings.  It also relies on what's inside.  If you are not happy with the person you are, you can not feel happiness.  Take

Here I stand To love you Arms wide open Waiting for your embrace Waiting to get weak in the knees Sheer happiness Is what I wish for you Pure love, what I give you Then my thoughts drift… Do you love me too? The same as I do you? Your love is strange Different to me at least Bold, yet unknown Your touch…so far from sensual Your kiss, impassionate Your eyes, never engaged So, how do I know? I ask myself every day Is it because you come home to me? Or simply because you’re here Is it your interactions? You seem to care more for others Than you do for me So again I ask How do I know? Still unsure I say It’s because I LOVE you. Love is never wrong The heart stays where it belongs Here I stand To love you Arms wide open……

Another poem I wrote... More to come I feel as though you taken a piece of my soul. It's like you have chipped a piece off very slow Your actions have hurt me more than you know I guess I hurt you too but I never really knew And if I did I apologize, you must know my love is the truth I just can't understand why you feel the need to cut so deep Why you feel the need to rip away a part of me I want you to talk to me and tell me how you feel Tired of screaming & fighting I just want to chill I want my smile back in my soul I want to feel that the two of us are whole I want my heart to stop bleeding pain I'm frightened by the thought of divorce I don't want to it to go that far I know we can work it out Please don't allow this to tear our family apart I need you you to close your eyes and see my view Understand where I come from and I'll do the same for you If we can just get to that point I know we can make it work. I love you

Within our society there are too many double standards. When you really look at, it seems as though we still live in an older America. Men and women are held to different standards. Both at work and in the home. This idiocracy stares us in the face. Men still tend to earn more money in the work field than women. A women returns from work and still has a list of things to accomplish before bed. She is usually the last to sleep and first to wake. She makes time for it all, but could always use help. Men, on the other hand, walk in the door, grab a beer, and sit in front of the tv. Double standard. Women are expected to act like a lady in public, however, men are continually reverting back to their younger days. The respect a man should have for his wife has diminished in today's society. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with more women working towards a career, rather than staying home but something has changed. It is never seen as appropriate for a woman to show her pant

As I sit here and reflect on things, I keep coming back to the concept of love.  As girls we see love as what it is on tv and in movies. We somehow come to believe that love should be just like our favorite tear jerking romance flick.  What we learn as we grow is that love is definitely a tear jerker, a heart wrenching, yet beautiful experience all in one.  Love is far from easy, especially when you find the one you love unconditionally. No matter how many times that person seems to break your heart, you will still love them. You will still cry yourself to sleep like a teenage girl.  You will still feel as if each event is the end of the world.  Why is this emotion so strong, so bonding? Why is it that we truly seem to have no control over it?  What is it about this connection to another human that allows us to remain resilient? Maybe I will never have the answer to that question.  What I do know is that love is work.  It is definitely not all fun and knee weakening.  It is in fact far

Earlier this week I attended a training course entitled Increasing Human Effectiveness . The training focused on positive self talk and using it to unlock your potential. I have not been able to get this concept out of mind.  I have always believed in positive affirmations and speaking things into existence, but this course took it to another level.  Self relection is a hard thing to do, but we must do it if we desire to be better people.  We can not depend on others to make us better. After some reflection of my own, I have realized that I do need to be more positive and that I need to stop beating myself up.  You see,  these thoughts that we hold in begin to affect our subconcious mind after a while.  Once our subconcious has accepted the negativity we hold within, it is much more difficult to break the cycle.  We must stop putting limitations on ourselves by placing these thoughts in our mind.  We have to continue to think positive if we desire positive results. So, no more dwelling

As my one year anniversary approaches, I realize a common factor in many of the married couples I know.  In each case, these people expected their significant other to change once they got married.  When will we as people understand that we do not have the power to change others.  We can influence and inspire people, help them to see another prospective, but we can not change anyone. A person is not going to change in drastic ways because they said vows to you. If someone was abusive before marriage, they will still be abusive during.  If they were lazy, rude, couldn't cook, didn't clean, etc. they will remain the same during and after marriage. I am very old school when it comes to my views on marriage.  I believe that a woman is a better housekeeper and that every house needs a woman's touch.  I believe that the man does wear the pants. I also believe in equality in the home and decisions being made together. Both partners need to be able to adjust and step up to the plat

So as you know, I am pregnant again.  I am currently in my 5th month and anxiously awaiting my second little princess.  I have a pretty busy life with work and raising my 3 year old so sometimes I forget that I'm pregnant.  Then I feel the most amazing feeling, my baby kick in my belly.  Last night I could feel her tumbling all around like a little gymnast. It always causes me to take a second and reflect on the fact that there is a child growing in my belly. Everything I do, everything I eat, everything I drink affects this little girl. So knowing that, how is it possible to almost forget she's there? It seems as though my world should stop and focus on her and only her. I wish it were that way.  Pregnant women should be given a 9 month vacation in order to carry our children.  Our bodies are experiencing such change during this time.  I can feel that my feet are swollen even though I can not see them. My husband has to help me put my shoes on because bending over is next to i

Yesterday, my family lost another person.  My cousin lost his oldest son to pancreatic cancer.  Little Christopher was only 7 years old.  Although I know that God takes us when the time is right, I can't understand taking a child. This little boy fought hard, but in the end lost.  I never actually had the chance to meet him, but I know that God has recieved another angel.  I also know that he has a lot of family looking out for him up there.  I'd like to take a moment to remember all of my family and friends who have made their transition to heaven. Uncle Christopher Uncle Dan Uncle Don Ashley Thomas Little Christopher Grandma & Grandpa Dickerson May you each rest in peace and continue to watch over us as our journey continues.  I love and miss each of you!

Hey! So it's been a while since I last wrote, but today was great day!  Since I last posted, my life has definitely changed.  I found out that my husband and I are expecting our second child :) I have managed to make some progress at work and my daughter amazes me each day.  I am blessed :)

This is my first blog of 2011. I started this year out not by making resolutions, but by revisiting who I am.  I am a woman, a mother, a soldier, a lover, and a fighter.  I have been through many things, but we can all say that.  So I started looking deeper to attempt to see what others see in me.  I discovered that I most definitely wear my heart on my sleeve.  You will always be able to tell my mood just by looking at my face.  I am driven by emotion and hold it very close.  Once the emotional bond is gone, the relationship is done. I am a passionate person, and pour love into what I do.  My decisions are typically based on emotion rather than logic.  I know this may not be so smart, but it is me. I feel that without love there is no life.  Love for me is the thread that holds us together.  It's what gets us through tough times and it is strong. Love stands alone and the bond it forms can only be broken by those that hold it, not by outside influences. I love hard, but damn it I