Sarah Speaks It

It's a sad world when we have talk to our children about how to act if they are pulled over or stopped by the police. It is not just our black sons, but daughter's that need to understand this concept as well. I am a biracial woman raising two black young ladies and I fear for the world they are walking in. They will be looked at differently than my white friends children. They may be fair skinned, but there is no denying they are black. All parents fear for their children, but in many different ways. We all worry about the safety of our children as they climb a tree, or try a new stunt, or walk to school. Black parents, we fear that each time our babies leave our presence, they may never return. In fact, we fear that even in our homes we are not safe.  It seems that every day there's a new video of a black person dying at the hands of what should be trusted public servants. Yes, all people make mistakes but it is hard to believe these are all coincidence or mistakes. Wh

So many emotions flowing Nothing but time  Gives way to thought You can no longer ignore your reflection As the mirror follows you It is quiet yet strong Powerfully moving Retrospect is everything The same question keeps coming What do you want? I still can’t find the words I can, however, point the finger Directly at what I do not want I owe it to myself not to settle Not to build you up But join you in a kingdom How is entrance granted Simply get on my level Meet my hustle Match my ambition No victimization Rather, find victory Strength and poise Not anger and hostility No longer can I ignore the flags Crimson Red Blinded by my wants Not guided by my needs I’m moving differently I’m moving solo Setting myself free Quarantine has been good to me I’ve learned so much Setting myself free From old bonds Bad soul ties Free from the thoughts inside of me

I saw and shared the above quote on Facebook today. I share many things because I relate, it inspires me, or makes me chuckle. This one in particular, spoke to my soul. I have said that I am uncomfortable asking for things from those I am close to. I was married to someone for 12 years who each time I spoke my wants, my desires I was shut down or made to feel insignificant. This led to me keeping them to myself. I now have a habit of allowing thoughts to sit on my mind without speaking them. This can be something someone said that didn't sit right, a small yet revealing action I picked up, my intuition pinging, a sexual desire, or an unmet expectation. The problem is that when we hold these things in, we become resentful. If we don’t speak what is on our mind, we can’t expect the other party to know. People are not mind readers, but damn do I wish they were at times. Being fully vulnerable is hard when you’ve lived your adult life in a toxic relationship. You are relearning wha

Today I was driving on a familiar road near my house and I had a flashback. I was in the car with my ex husband and my kids, headed to Applebee's. I was driving. I remember he was already in a bad mood that day. I turned a bit wide and was too close to the median for him. He got so angered at me and spit in my face. This memory caused a tear to fall from my face as I thought about how terrible I felt in that moment and what my kids had just witnessed. In the grand scheme of things, this was minor compared to other things he had done, but to me it was simply disgusting. To spit on someone is childish and highly disrespectful. I quickly pulled myself out of that terrible memory and placed my focus on what I have now.  I thought that my ex loved me, because I was naive. He swept me off my feet and swooned me into loving him only to destroy me. This happened over and over again until I plotted to get out. That plan took years to ensure my safety. All the while, I managed to play a

He held me tight And I silently sighed For the first time in years I felt safe, I felt protected I knew in that moment it was real I would never have to fear this man's touch As I have with the one before The past and the present are incomparable One is dark and ugly While the other is bright and beautiful A sudden tingle ran through my body From head to toe It felt like love Strong, safe, gentle, and bold It felt so right For the first time in my life Like completing a puzzle My body fit so perfectly in his My soul was at peace That one moment Made me see clearly That this man was made for me He's so patient Kind and understanding The Ying to my yang Have I really found the man for me? He took my breath away With only three words I was frozen for a moment Wondering why I still felt scared Again, he understood I wasn't looking when we reconnected As I recall, neither was he One year later, we're both sti