Sarah Speaks It

2013 Is ending in just a few short hours and as I sit here reflecting, I'm not quite sure how I feel about my year. I came into the year positive, making no resolutions. My primary focus was family. I found new family, reconnected with others, and strengthened my home in the process. Unfortunately, I've come to realize that making your family stronger doesn't leave much time, energy, or room for friends. This brings me a sense of sadness as I have definitely lost a few of you over the year. It also brings me understanding that you must sacrifice in some areas in order to enhance others.  This year has brought me pain, strength, disappointment, and hope.  I have joyfully watched my children grow and learn.  I have accepted and found love for another child in my home.  I have dealt with the pain of old wounds while experiencing the sheer happiness of new connections. I have been both hired and laid off in only a few short months. I have been lucky to see the people aro...

I've been racking my brain thinking about how many chances a person should be given before you completely cut them out of your life.  Is it different for family and friends? As doors seem to be closing and some of my relationships failing around me, I'm plagued with the question of is it worth it?  I've always been there for anyone I care about.  I'm that ride or die friend by most accounts.  You need me, I'm there. I may not have much, but I've always done what I can to help. Maybe that wasn't enough or maybe it was simply too much. This will continue to plague me because I've lost incredibly too much of myself in these relationships. I've invested my heart and time and that can't be retrieved.  I may have to chock these losses up to lessons learned.  You live you learn.....

In life it seems like we are forever taking one step forward, and two steps back. Where does it end?  It seems like there is no light at the end on some days. How do we continue to push through? You can't just quit, you have to find a way. I find myself continually questioning what's next? Until I figure that out, I hope that I find happiness within myself. I know that our struggles define our strengths and that will always keep me moving forward.  I want to break down, I want to fall apart, but I simply can't fall weak like that. In this cruel world, the weak are preyed upon and I refuse to be a victim.

The old saying that ignorance is bliss is so true. If you chose not to know you will remain oblivious to so many things in this world. The truth tends to hurt. So often, we don't realize the role we play in our own production. So, we stay ignorant because seeing the truth is less than blissful. It can be dark, it can be painful,however, it can also she new light on things. As long as we stay ignorant to what is truly happening amongst us, we can not expect change to come. Once those blinders are removed an entire world of possibility and true happiness opens up. A world we would not know if we chose to remain ignorant. Ignorance is bliss but knowledge and truth are power. 

I woke up this morning like any other day. Little did I know that today would be the end of my search. I've been searching for my sister for years.  All I had was a name and its a fairly common name so, its been a rough search. This morning, I checked my facebook and had a request from a Crystal. My heart literally skipped a beat and I haven't been able to focus all day. I can't believe that my sister found me.  This has opened up an entire new world for me. I have other sisters, but this is different. She comes from my father.  We share some of the struggles and joys because of that.  We've spent the entire day texting and learning about each other. My mind keeps wandering and wondering if we will be able to maintain contact in the future.  What if we hate each other? There's just so much I want to know.  I have a sister and I know nothing about her! This is somehow very boggling for me.  I guess I never thought this...

Its almost 2013, and I ask myself, what is the American Dream?  It's no longer what our grandparents had envisioned for us.  It no longer consists of a white picket fence and a family with a dog. So, then what is it? From what I can tell, the dream has been lost.  Young women don't know how to be a lady.  Young men no longer know what it is to be a gentlemen. Moral values are lacking.  Family values are nearly non existent. Women are now the bread winners and dads are staying at home.  Although we as a people have progressed, we have lost so much of what makes us a great country. We all just want more. Very few people think about the future, and live for the present.  So what is your American dream?

There are some people that we love unconditionally.  No matter what they do, how many times they hurt you, how many mistakes they make, how much pain you have been caused, how much it affects your life, you will always love them.  This is true of parents, siblings, relatives, and should also be true of your spouse. We are taught to love our family members no matter what faces you, no matter what happens. It honestly irks my soul that I can still have so much love for someone simply because I'm suppose to. So many people have hurt me, have affected not only my attitude, but my way of life, my soul. And, yet I still love those people with every breathe I take. I guess some things are not meant to be understood. But lets talk about those we choose to love unconditionally, our spouses. When we decided to commit our lives to a person, we commit to love them through all things. Sickness and health, better and worse, rich and poor, lies and deceit, forgiveness and pain. We make that ...