Bruised

Today I was reminded of the cruelty I endured

For so many years I was so blind

It happened right before my eyes

You hurt me over and over again

And had the nerve to say it was justified

The stains on the wall were caused by oil splattering as it falls

Oil that you hurled at me as I tried to leave

What kind of man throws used grease

At the woman he calls his queen?

I'm sorry did I call you a man?

You should be offended as you could never be that grand

A man who loves a woman wouldn't do her

Like you did me

You cheated double digit times

Because you THOUGHT I did

All the time I forgave you in the name of love and family

And each time I broke a little more inside

I couldn't love you the way you did me

My soul was too good for that

I couldn't cause you physical pain,

At least not intentionally

There were times I fought back

But there were more where I curled into a ball

You never made it obvious which was the worst part of it all

There weren't any bruises that the world could see

You bruised the innermost part of me

I stood tall in uniform and pushed through it all

No one knew, I had no one to call

When I found the strength to leave

You'd find the strength to stop me

I've been tackled, choked, and held against a wall

How do you leave when he makes you fall?

I got smarter, or so I thought

I played your game but still you fought.

So I had to step it up a notch

I did my best to smile and make you happy

But I soon realized it would never happen

When it hit me that you saw me as a fool

I made the decision to play my part

You see I had to fool the fool who thought they were fooling me

Stupid? Ha! Not me

You had it made with this queen

I raised 4 kids that weren't mine

Saved your ass several times

Bailed you out, paid all the fines

Got  your L back, thanks to my grind

Paid that child support like it was mine

And still you couldn't be a man

Sure you handled the lawn

But the reality is, I held us down

For years you didn't work

Who the fuck you think paid the courts?

Everytime you fucked up

You buy me something pretty, too bad you used my damn money

I don't care about the diamonds, glitz, and glam

When my pops died someone had to tell you to hold my hand

When I had surgery you left me there alone

Trying to care for a newborn while you laid at home

Where were you emotionally? Who was taking care of me?

How did I love you?

Only God knows…..

Now it's time to move on, but I feel bad for the next one

Love won't come easy again

Whoever God send me

Will have to be a much better man