Unprepared

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I wasn't prepared
I was crushed
And couldn't figure out why
Technically, you're not mine
I should have been able to shrug it off
And be just fine
But it struck me deep inside
I wasn't ready
For that emotion to rise
It was more than the need
For quality time
It triggered something too common
In my mind
See, I'm still a bit broken
I try to hide it well
My disguise failed
And that guard fell
I should have been just fine
It made me think my heart
Was over powering my mind
I swore I wouldn't let that happen
Not this fucking time
It's how I always get in trouble
Letting this heart lead the way
I racked my brain all night long
Was this a test or a sign
I really felt like a pawn
The game kept scrolling through my head
Did I get played again? 
And then as I was dancing the anger away
It dawned on me the next day
Yes, this triggered something from the past
But more importantly
I've grown to care for you, probably too fast.
I wasn't supposed to be here for quite some time
But here I am…..
With you always on my mind
I wasn't fucking prepared.

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